If you ask God for forgiveness but don’t stop doing what you’re asking forgiveness for, can you really call yourself repentant?
Over the last 20+ years, I have occasionally engaged in some pretty shameful behavior. I don’t recall specifically when it started. I really don’t know why it started, But it’s a temptation I can’t seem to get away from.
At different times, I’ve literally brought myself to tears talking to God about it and asking for forgiveness and for His guidance. The burden is lifted, my shame goes away, I feel like things are fine. And for months at a time, everything’s peachy. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I feel myself being sucked back into that world. It’s like I temporarily lose self-control.
Why? Why do I allow myself to do something that I feel so ashamed of? Why do I seemingly feign repentance? I can fool myself — why do I think I can fool God?
I’m tired of thinking about it, I just need to continue to pray about it.
I’m pretty sure this is the most personal I’ve gotten — I didn’t want to say too much, but I felt like I needed to bare my soul just a bit and ask for your prayers.